My goal is to compete at least once a year. I do it because I hate it. But you have to get out of your comfort zone. Being comfortable = no growth. You’re not challenging yourself. A quote from David Goggins that I like to live by, “Embrace the suck.” And I was listening to a podcast (I forgot the author) but she mentioned, “In 20 years, how will you look at your decision? How will it make my life different?” I didn’t want to regret not going. Fuck it. I’m doing it.
|Elliot and I in a flexing competition.|
I thought I did enough training and felt technically sound to compete. Honestly, I don't care about the result. If I lose, no big deal. In BJJ, you either win or you learn. But I told myself to follow a few rules during competition:
- Breathe - you’d be surprised how often one stops breathing when going full throttle
- Don’t get caught in anything stupid - don’t get caught in a submission by doing something careless
- Give it 100% - I know it's very cliché but I failed miserably
|Zinc, my coach for this tourney.|
My first match was against the same guy I went up against last year, who I beat twice. But don't get me wrong, he's no slouch. The guy is tough as nails. And this time around, it was more of the same. I felt good at the beginning of the match, i.e. my mind didn't go blank and everything was going according to plan. And I actually had a choke going... until the fatigue set in and he eventually escaped. By the halfway point, I'm physically done. My forearms were on fire. I'm gassed out already! I had a mental lapse (due to exhaustion) and he scored 2 points on me (sweep). The fight ends and he wins by points (2-0).
My second fight was against a guy who hadn’t fought yet, i.e. fresh. I’m still tired. I'm bummed out that I lost my first fight. To be honest, I already checked out mentally. The match starts and I score an easy take-down. This guy doesn’t feel anywhere as strong as my first opponent. But dammit, I’m exhausted. Fuck. Then my mind started to fail me. I got caught in a submission I saw from a mile away but I just gave up. I tapped.
|So disappointed in myself... a feeling I won't ever forget.|
What bothers me the most was the fact that I gave up. I gave up because I was exhausted. I was exhausted because I did not prepare well. And I did not prepare well because I was noncommittal for this tournament.
Going back to the question, “How will it make my life different?” I will commit one way or the other. Do or do not. And that’s the last time I will ever mentally quit! Let’s go!!! #everydayporrada